I wanna Die…! :-(


{My life…, it’s getting hopeless by the minute …. And there are still too many minutes. It feels like “everyone is better without me”.

Don’t ask me “what’s wrong?” because It’s hard to answer the question “what’s wrong” when nothing is right….

I’ve spent a lot of nights crying to sleep,I love sleep because my life has this tendency to fall apart when I’m awake. My life is turning out to be an insane thing. I’ve cheated my parents; I’ve buried their hopes in the flames of my pleasures. No one believes me now, not even the one, whom I thought is my life.  Thousands of similar thoughts are running in my mind. Tears are bursting out of my eyes. My love, she may still think I am lying as I’ve said  it several times before, but this time I’ll prove myself with an ultimate answer of death…. Yes I will die

O earth please stop for a while!!! I want to get off…

I’m getting staggered in career, thoughts and relationships. I don’t want a life like this anymore…

Suddenly  a shiver of fear started in spine…

Where would I will be after I die. In hell??? In a separate world filled with sorrows??? Or is it an ecstatic heaven….

Something unknown is what always feared by the world….

All of a sudden my phone rung in a stammering tone interrupting my thoughts…

WHAT HAPPENED IN THE VERY NEXT DAY IS:  Time: 7:55 am, Tuesday.

Tears started trickling down my cheek; I couldn’t be able to digest that situation…. “Why he did like this???” this question got struck and stabbed my mind a lot. His parents are crying like no other thing in this world.

One of my friends… He’s no more… suicide

He wrote a final note

My time has come, and so I’m gone. To a better place, far beyond. I love you mom and all as you can see. But it’s better now, because I’m free.

My mind started searching for ANSWERS….

Time 3:00 pm, another Tuesday.

I had been allotted to ICU ward in hospital ward rounds. I’ve never been there in past of my life. It’s an air-conditioned room of seriousness. On that day 3 out of 6 patients out there are 70 years or more old. One woman with heart failure among those three scared me a lot. She can barely breathe, her hands are shaking and almost her total upper body is punctured with needles of syringes. But still I can clearly see her hope for life…

I felt like she’s shouting at me

“Why kill yourself? Life will do it for you…”

As someone said even if you completely want  to die…, still some part of u says ‘I want to live…’

I thought my friend behaved like a clear-headed mathematician. ‘So many odds against single hope to live’. His sense of mathematician is greater than the sense of survival…

As I have seen, within a few days people started forgetting him, no one to blame, ’cause everyone has their own life to deal with… he might have thought “I need to run away just to see who will follow me”.  He just ended up as a failure.

“Self-sacrifice which denies common sense is not a virtue. It’s a self-dissipation” he might have been thought for a while before he got emotional breakdown. Because Sacrifice Should Be Worth The Sacrifice. He has not-self sacrificed his life for the good of nation or for saving lives of innocent people. Problems in love, life won’t worth the sacrifice of  life.

The World Health Organization (WHO) estimates that each year approximately one million people die from suicide, which represents a global mortality rate of 16 people per 100,000 or one death every 40 seconds. It is predicted that by 2020 the rate of death will increase to one every 20 seconds. so, at least 5 people will die before you complete this article of hope.

In the last 45 years suicide rates have increased by 60% worldwide. Nearly 30% of all suicides worldwide occur in India and China .

Suicide sometimes proceeds from cowardice, but not always; for cowardice sometimes prevents it; since as many live because they are afraid to die,and as many die because they are afraid to live.

I said myself “I am not a coward… and life gives me situations that I can’t control… But, how I respond to them is definitely under my control…!”

Suicide is a permanent escape from a temporary problem….. and It will never be an option for me…

A TEMPORARY PROBLEM MAY NOT REQUIRE A PERMANENT ESCAPE, A PERMANENT PROBLEM MAY NOT BE A PROBLEM AT ALL, DEPENDING ON HOW YOU LOOK AT IT”

I’ll be an oyster  injured by a rain drop….

The treasure of my being in this world (Pearl) is yet to come…

O oo.. earth don’t stop I want to live….

Who said I’ll die…No, I now want to live and let live…

If some one out there among you holds up the idea of suicide…

Think for infinite times before you act…

Endless ecstasies are waiting for us in near future…}

One night, I have received this as a mail from my friend, MANI KANTHA REDDY  (S A F F R O N    F E A T H E R S in Facebook), with the present title as it’s Subject… as I was going through its contents, I was terrified and picked up my phone to call him right away… but, as I continued reading, I understood where he finally arrived at…

At the end, I still had called him, not out of fear, but with gratitude for all this…

I thought, it is something that ought to be shared… 

Thanks to him, for reminding us of the importance of life and how a little change in our perception of the situation will be a life saving one…

Thank You… 🙂

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2 thoughts on “I wanna Die…! :-(

  1. OMG…! I too was shocked at the beginning……….

    life gives me situations that I can’t control… But, how I respond to them is definitely under my control…!” This line is awesome……..& nice def for ICU= Air conditioned room for seriousness………… really nice artice….

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